Friday, April 16, 2010

The Old, "What do you mean we didn't use protection?!" Scene

So, I was reading a review by another blogger recently and she mentioned how unnecessary it seemed for the hero and heroine to have this whole, "Oh, btw we totes forget protection for the whole like week we've been fizznucking and oops!" conversation because it kind of came out of nowhere and only served to show the hero was a stand up guy that would do right by his love if he knocked her up. When I read this it reminded me of a niggling pet peeve of mine that I just had to unleash on you all (totes sorry) and hope that I'm not the only one.

So, the hero and heroine have been going at it like rabbits all night or often times, for a sextastic weekend. Hey, I'm lovin it so far. When all of a sudden the hero (which is so ironic) or the heroine suddenly informs their partner, "Oh noes! We totes didn't glove up for our sexathon! I totally didn't even notice until like, right now." And then the other person (and it kills me when the hero has to inform the heroine of this) goes, *gasp* "I totes didn't even REALIZE! Boy, I'm glad you pointed that out, cause I was clueless."

Ok, here's my beef. So they didn't use a glove. Yes, in real life kiddies, NO GLOVE NO LOVE. Period. Howevah, I can forgive it a bit in fiction, esp paranormals where they so often have the convenient escape clause that no sexy werewolf, vampire, zombie dudes and dudettes carry icktastic and unsmexy things like crabs and gonorrhea (cha cha cha) so the only thing you have to worry about are unplanned lurve childrens poppin up like it's Flava Flave's House O' Paternity.

Well, if it's not the bareback rodeo factor that's bugging me, what is you ask? And I'm sooo glad you did *angelic smile*

Well, here's the thing, I admit to not being a sexpert, but when you ride the pony bareback until the buzzer goes off (prayin to the sex gods it's more than an 8 second ride or we have more probs than this) there's usually a lil evidence. You know, like a t-shirt that says, "I lasted the full 8 seconds" or something like that, but not like that, you know what I mean. Anyway, not to mention that I can understand forgetting the first time in the heat of the moment. It should become pretty damn obvious immediately after, though, what has gone down, or in, or off, or WHATEVER. However, let's play along and say that you're too busy cuddling and cooing and staring into eachother's eyes and arguing over who's prettier to be bothered with clean up or noticing your ALL AROUND NAKEDNESS (which at this point, I don't believe you're with a man, so if you're a lesbian it's a moot point anyway). Ok, so you didn't notice right away cuz you were falling into the deep pools of his/her eyes...yada, yada, yada, but the next time you go to saddle up, and you know there will be another round, it's kinda hard to believe that you'd not notice that YOU ARE MISSING SOMETHING IMPORTANT. Unless this is all metaphoric sex.

So, yeah, when I read about how the lead couple had a 3 day sexabition and totally didn't notice the lack of a rubber for the WHOLE DAMNED TIME, I kinda want to scream. They are obviously too dumb to reproduce, so I beg the author kindly to make sure the heroine either gets on the pill stat or the hero must suit up from here on out.

Now, I ask you, have any of you noticed that kind of thing in romance, erotica or UF? Does it bother you like it bothers me? Why or Why not?

And as always, Big Fat Smooches! ;)

18 comments:

Wendy said...

Just HOW STUPID do you have to be to not notice that hello! you didn't use protection. *sighs* I haven't noticed this in books a lot but I imagined it would annoy me too. But hey, it's fiction so what the hell..

The Queen B said...

Yeah, I can think of about three books off the top of my head where this happened, Wends. I was like, Wait, What? It irked me, a lot.

Wendy said...

Three?! Eek!

You are easily irkable. Ha!

The Queen B said...

Bite me. Ha!

Wendy said...

Anytime, sweet pea! ;)

BUT NOT WITHOUT WEARING PROTECTION LMAO!

OMG, I iz funny.

jacabur1 said...

Can't name the books off the top of my head but more than three for sure have done exactly this as you described so eloquently and yes it does bother me in the same respect it does you. I also think the same thing, they are too stupidly dumb to have children furry or otherwise so hopefully someone gets themselves fixed before the female character becomes pregnant...

However as is usually the case in real life the lead female gets knocked up and of course everything in the book is then all hunky dory fine, RIGHT!!!

Oh well it's just books so no sweat !!!

jackie b central texas

Sweet Vernal Zephyr said...

I hear you loud and clear. Its especially annoying when the hero is supposed to be some super upstanding awesome guy. OBVIOUSLY not.

And what woman DOESN'T have that on her mind during sex? The woman without a mind.

I always find my self analyzing the sex while I'm reading trying to find out if contraception is going to become a plot point later on in the story. And when it does... well that is just horribly predictable! And pulls me out of the story... *sigh*

Well, would you look at that. You got a rant out of me. *wink*

Miranda ~ SweetVernal Zephyr

Smokinhotbooks said...

Recently no...but then I've been devouring m/m and usually both dudes don't go bareback unless they get their test results.

Katiebabs a.k.a KB said...

Why are demon men, vampire men or whatever else they are, always walk around with hard ons? Bad case of blue balls until they go at it with their heroine, and even then they want more.

At least in some books I read the heroine is on birth control, as if that would stop the hero from giving her an STD. O.o

Mandi said...

Thank you for this post! ;p

My thing is - it's a book..if you are sexin', do we really need to mention protection..just have sex already. If there is going to be an accidental baby...I suppose you have to work in the oopsie factor..but please - don't bring it up after a week in bed. For real.

The Queen B said...

Wendy- you are Hi-Larious! *slaps knee*


jacabur1-LOL, I know. Why is it always the ones that shouldn't reproduce that get right on it? I'm glad I'm not the only one that this bugs. :)


Sweet Vernal Zephyr- LMAO! We all need to rant sometime ;)
You know, it's one thing if they CHOOSE to go a la natural b/c they want to have kids together (even if they shouldn't,lol) or to show how committed they are or how much they trust each other, but when it's just a convenient way to pop in unexpected lurve childrens or whatever, it just bugs me no end.
LOL, see, now I'm ranting all over again :P


@Smokinhotbooks I don't mind if the boys want to go nekkid as long as they know they're clean and all that. Then I say, go on and get you some ;)


@KB Yeah, the perpetual hard ons are kinda ridiculous. Also, when the guys dick keeps growing, you know? It's huge and hard and she touches it and grows even harder and thicker and then it's inside her and it grows "impossibly larger" and I'm snorting at this point cuz it's like she hit that baby with miracle grow....


Mandi- LOL, you got me started girl. I read your post and I was like, this has bugged me too long.
And yeah, so they forget once, they can mention it that night and decide to use protection from there on out and deal with any consequences as they come. But to bring it up way down the road just makes it irritating. Esp for me, when the man has to inform the woman that they didn't use protection. That always brings on an epic snort...

Mar said...

B, the day I read a romance novel and they have to stop at the CVS to get some Magnums, is the day that I am done with the reading. Just do it and stfu already. Love the post. :)

The Queen B said...

Glad you liked the post. We all have our lil rants just waiting to come out... :P

Twimom227 said...

I pretty much only read paranormal... So I am fine with the no glove aspect - for the reason you mentioned. When it's paranormal, the author can come up with reasons why it's not needed. But I have read a couple books where the discussion comes up the FIRST TIME and I was glad to read that. Responsible sex fiends. Good job!

Tori aka @ggs_closet said...

I never really notice it till it's pointed out to me. Then I'm like WTH? I don't want real life to interfere with my over the top romance here folks. Don't want to hear abt CVS,condoms,make up face on pillow,snotty nose crying face, ect...
I want everything to be beeutiful in the book.
But, I do think it's stupid that someone could be sooooo into the smex that they don't realize the no love glove was used.

The Queen B said...

@Twimom227 Thanks sweets! LOL

@Tori- I agree that a lot of times I want things over the top and totally not realistic, but I read A LOT and let's face it, if every single story I read is populated with unrelatable characters and all have the same formula? I'm gonna get bored or go nuts, or both. I atleast need my characters to not be dumbasses, lol.

heidenkind said...

They really should make a t-shirt that says that. I'm sensing the start of a successful home-based business!

The Queen B said...

LOL, I would so buy that shirt. You should get on that :P

 
That's QUEEN Bitch To You © 2007 Template feito por Áurea R.C.