Romeo and Juliet: Romance or Satire?

Now, I think we all have read or watched some version of Romeo and Juliet at some point in our lives. I was never a fan of the play or the movies. The whole story seemed absurd to me and I began to believe that perhaps I was a soulless cynic. All the other girls thought it was romantic, was I missing something?

I've given this a lot of thought and come up with some answers.

1) I am, indeed, a soulless cynic.

2) I don't believe this makes me wrong.

My argument, let me show you it:

Shakespeare was a witty, ironic and sarcastic bastard (hence my love of him). I don't know that he really intended Romeo and Juliet to become the icon of true and fated love. To me it's more of a satire on bad parenting and young love (and in this case I think he portrayed it more as young lust and overactive hormones). Apparently, there were angsty emo teens even in Shakespearean times. Take note angsty emo teens that think you are so shiny and new: it has been done before and done better.

If you've read the play you'll find that Romeo and Juliet's parents are self absorb rich people that feud over the stupidest crap and mishandle their young and angsties consistently. They don't listen to what their kids are telling them and they don't pay attention to what their kids are doing. They just expect that because they said, "No. You will not see that boy/girl or go to that party/place and do that thing" that their kids are totally going to obey them and not question them. In short, they are poor parents that are asking for their kids to do something rebellious and stupid.

Then we have the making fun of the young love/lust. Romeo, you will find if you read the play, is a bit of a teenage player. He falls in love with a new set of female attributes every other day. And each time it's the end of life as we know it. He shall surely die if he cannot have his ONE TRUE LOVE (de jour). SURELY DIE. He gets all angsty, emo, suicidal, and mentally unbalanced when talking about his ONE TRUE LURVE at the beginning of the story and guess what, it aint Juliet. It's not until later that he abandons (trades up) his TRUEST OF LURVES when he spots Juliet. Juliet herself is a girl that is overly controlled by immature and selfish parental units that have decreed she shall marry some older dude that she doesn't want to marry, so when some young hotness (who is wise to the wooing of the ladies) comes knocking at her balcony, she throws herself off the proverbial cliff of love and avows her eternal devotion to said hotness.

Now, we have the satire of the church. A Father, who is supposed to give the young and foolish lusters lovers, sound advice and guidance, instead aids and abets them in their plan to lie to and dishonor their parents and run off together to be poor and miserable but have lots of virgin sex happy ever after. The plan itself is not sound. I mean, what could go wrong with poison?

The end of the story saw the bad sad parents realizing the errors of their ways and getting over their feud. They kissed and made up and grew up at the cost of their children's lives. That was the moral of the story. Not the young love conquers all, cause....um....it didn't. It got pwned.

If Romeo and Juliet hadn't died, here's what I think would have happened. In a week (max) Romeo would be bored with Juliet cause she wouldn't put out (that's why he dumped his last lurve) and would be on to freer greener pastures with the discovery of chambermaids and serving wenches and women who love you as long as your coin is good (probably the most honest relationship of his life). Juliet would be all heart broken but learn that men are pigs that want only one thing and Romeo never gave her anything except trouble with her parents. She would marry the rich guy she was supposed to and realize that having the protection of money and position is truly the only way to fly. The Father would realize that he's a hopeless romantic and should never have taken a vow of chastity.  The End.

In my opinion, a far more honestly romantic tale of Sir Bill's was Much Ado About Nothing (omg y'all, you must see the movie! Denzel Washington rocks and emo Shakespearean Keanu Reeves plays his brother. It's a total WIN). In this story, there's a couple that have been involved before but broke up and both are bitter with each other because they still have feelings for each other but they're both too old and too smart to go down that road again. So they have a war of wits at every available chance until they are tricked (in true Shakespearean fashion) into admitting their feelings for each other. Later, when much needless drama ensues (created again by the young and clueless lovers, I'm sensing a theme) they realize to what lengths they are willing to go in the name of their love and devotion. It is funny, romantic and dramatic. It's of the awesome. Truly, watch the movie. It's too fab for words.

Probably it's on Netflix or something, but you can also get it here  Much Ado About Nothing

Well, now that I've ranted on Shakespeare and how it gives me a twitch whenever anyone goes on about how Romeo and Juliet is so romantic.... *shudders* I think I shall go watch my copy of Much Ado About Nothing and stop myself before I start comparing Shakespeare and Jane Austen for who started the archetype romance with the hero/heroine that don't like each other and then fall in love. Really, my mind is a scary and random place.